i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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