Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Someone shattered a urinal.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
