Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
