i'm signing you up for texting rehab
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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