Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
