my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize