She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
