I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Randomize
