FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
