I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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