I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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