you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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