i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize