Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
