adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
