rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
