You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
