i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
