So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
the liver wants what the liver wants
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
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