i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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