I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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