and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
