oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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