No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
