why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
