Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
