Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
