I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
