She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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