my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
