I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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