Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
