i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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