im about as happy as oj after his trial
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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