hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
