Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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