I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
