if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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