Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize