he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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