"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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