I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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