I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
The feeling are messing with the penis
Is Oprah even human
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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