just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
