I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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