Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
