I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Randomize
