What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
