Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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