Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
