New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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