maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize