Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
