How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
