By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
