New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
We need a shit load of segways right now
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
