happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
