My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize