We're like a lot better than the average bears
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
