he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize