i just sent this text using only my big toe
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
