There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Randomize
