it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
