i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
