I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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