I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize