I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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