GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize
